OT: Vacuums and Accomplishments

To make a very long story short (and to save you from the gory details): I have been dumped single for about a month now.

Today, I had my first, real, single-girl accomplishment. I, Lauryn, killed a bug. Not just any bug and not a little bug. A HUGE FREAKING ALIEN BUG WITH LOTS OF LEGS.

You see, I was sitting on my couch minding my own business when I looked to my right and saw the giant monster on the wall about five feet away from me. I gasped, hoped off the couch, and strategized my next move.

Do I swat at the bug? No! (What if it falls on the floor or lands on me or sprouts alien bug wings and flies somewhere in my proximity??)

Do I put a cup over the bug? No! (Then I would be standing there with my hand on the cup on the wall for the next four hours until I figure out how to get the cup and the bug off the wall. And again, see previous comment about "alien bug wings" and "proximity.")

Left with few options, I do what any girl would do in this situation -- I call my dad....who proceeds to laugh at me on the phone as I try to explain my side of the story and that this, again, is NOT your average critter. My dad recommends bug spray. Well, dad, I don't own any bug spray. On to Plan B (and, mental note, invest in some bug spray).

Dad is a genius and recommends that I vacuum the bug up. Yes! I can do this. I roll out my Dyson, snap on the handy suction attachment-thingy, and stand as far away from the wall as my arms allow while aiming the vacuum hose at the bug monster....

...The bug is too large for the vacuum (either that or my aiming is not so great), falls onto the floor  (yikes!) and proceeds to crawl under my couch (double yikes!).

I am now screeching, standing on my coffee table on my tip toes, and have managed to scare the bejesus out of my dog (who thinks that this is some sort of fun game).

What do I do, what do I do, what do I do...

I call my dad up and tell him he needs to come over and find the bug. He says he is not coming. I call my friend up who recommends that I let Henry (my dog) eat the bug and that will be that. I am not subjecting my poor dog to a monster alien with lots of legs that could potentially be poisonous.

I am out of options.

I decide that if I'm going to be alone forever living by myself, I should probably be able to kill a bug by myself. Therefore, I choke up the courage to move the couch (sound effects not included), spot the culprit, and vacuum him up.

End of the story? The bug is dead. But, two hours later, I have still not been able to sit on said couch.

I will work on that.