OT: Best Friends and Bridge Burning

Looking back on my life, I think it's safe to say that I've always been somewhat of a loner. I have friends, of course, (this is where my sister would interject: really? I never knew!) but I never had a best friend. At least, not the kind where you are totally BFFs4E and you do everything together and refer to each other as the girl version of your soul mate and buy matching necklaces and so on and so forth. 

I've had the same handful of "best friends" (plural, not singular)  pretty much since middle school. What made (and makes) it hard was that all of my best friends weren't also best friends (i.e. we didn't have the Sex and the City thing going). Honestly, some of them didn't (and don't) even like the others...which makes my life difficult. How can I have a girls' night with my friends when they all don't enjoy each others company as much as I enjoy theirs? I don't exactly fit in with any of their individual groups of friends either. I mean, I'm down for going out and meeting new people but there's only so much awkwardness I can take at one time. Lastly, the majority of them have moved (or are in the process of moving) out of the state. Again, this makes my life difficult.

I realize I'm being a little selfish here. But what's not selfish? Always jumping for your friends. Being where they ask you to be. Supporting them. Participating in their charities. Worrying about them. Carrying their drunk asses back to the car. Flying across the country to see them. Always wishing them a happy birthday or anniversary or whatever. Keeping their secrets. Not judging their significant others or sex lives or drug habits substance issues and everything else on top of that. Those things don't suck. But what does? Not having the favor returned. Having your friends not be there when you need them to be. Even if it's just over the phone. Realizing that these people are not going to jump for you. That fucking blows.

So when do you cut them off? When do you tell them that your friendship is not a partnership and you are done wasting your time? When do you tell them they are not being very friend-like? When do you give up on them and move on to your new friends? When do you burn the bridge? Or, do you burn the bridge?

I don't know the answer. Also, I was never a very big fan of bridge-burning.


(soundtrack: "city" by sara bareilles)